NFL TEAMS ARE GIVING THANKS

With Thanksgiving upon us, here is a list of a few NFL teams and the wonderful things they have to be thankful for:



DETROIT LIONS - Will be giving thanks for the season only being 16 games long. If this was Baseball, the Lions could be looking at a 0-162 record. By the way, the Lions are still giving thanks about Matt Millen not being there.





KANSAS CITY CHIEFS - Will be giving thanks for Larry Johnson being banned from interacting with any female ever again. The Chiefs are also thankful that they are NOT the Raiders.




PHILADELPHIA EAGLES - Will be giving thanks to any one of their quarterbacks that can hit an open receiver. Preferably one that doesn't play for the other team.




DALLAS COWBOYS - Will be giving thanks to the medical staff who worked on Romo's pinky. There hasn't been that much medical attention in Dallas since J.R. Ewing got shot. The Cowboys are also thankful that Pacman Jones has been hand-cuffed and chained in Jerry Jones' basement the past 4 weeks.




ATLANTA FALCONS - Will be giving thanks to the Federal Penal system for allowing Michael Vick to plead guilty and come back to the team early. However, the Falcons are not thankful that the Westminster Dog Show will be moving to Atlanta this year.




OAKLAND RAIDERS - Will be giving thanks for San Fransicso 49ers, the San Fransisco Giants, and the Oakland A's. Because without these teams, the Raiders would be the only sucky team in the bay area.

NFL WRAP-UP WEEK 10

DANTE'S INFERNO
Dante Culpepper returned as the starting QB for the Detroit Lions. It didn't help. The Lions lost 38-14. After the game, Dante said the Lions suck so bad, he doesn't even think they could beat Devry. Dante also said the huddle was in total disarray. He said he's never tried to call a play in the huddle while guys where playing pictionary and connect 4.



CADILLAC OUT OF THE SHOP
Cadillac Williams has been activated by the Buccaneers for their game this weekend. Cadillac says he can't wait to get on the field and get hurt again. Right after saying that, Cadillac fell off the podium and tore his ACL.




TATUM BELL STEALS A 2ND CHANCE WITH BRONCOS
The Denver Broncos have re-signed RB Tatum Bell due to injuries in the backfield. Tatum Bell was cut earlier by the Lions and charged with stealing newly acquired RB Rudi Johnson's luggage on the way out. This led to Bell's new nickname in the locker room, Tatum "Winona Ryder" Bell.




MATT HASSEL-is-BACK
Seattle Seahawks QB Matt Hasselback has announced he will make his first start in six weeks this weekend against the Cardinals. "Hasselback is starting? WOOOO HOOOOO!!!," said the Cardinals.




MARC BULGER RETURNS
The Rams announced QB Marc Bulger will start this weekend against the 49ers despite his recent struggles. "Bulger is starting? WOOOO HOOOOO!!!," said the 49ers.




HORRIBLE FANTASY TEAM THAT DESTROYED YOURS


Brady Quinn, QB, Browns -- 23-for-35, 239 yards, 2 TDs

BenJarvus Green-Ellis, RB, Patriots -- 26 carries, 105 yards, TD

Kevin Smith, RB, Lions -- 123 total yards, TD

Mark Bradley, WR, Chiefs -- 9 catches, 81 yards, TD

Malcom Floyd, WR, Chargers -- 4 catches, 76 yards, TD

Dustin Keller, TE, Jets -- 6 catches, 107 yards, TD

THE NFL WRAP

T.O SOUNDS OFF
After the Cowboys loss last Sunday, Terrell Owens said, "You know, I'm just gonna play with whomever is back there at quarterback. If you can come back there and quarterback, hey -- I'll play with you." That's right, T.O. will play with anyone back there at Quarterback....unless your name is Donovan McNabb or Jeff Garcia. Then, he'll just call you lazy and gay.




RAIDERS RELEASE HALL
Due to their 2-6 start, the Oakland Raiders have released their biggest off-season acquisition CB DeAngelo Hall. When contacted, Hall told reporters, "I am very upset.......that it took the Raiders this long. Hell, I've been missing tackles on purpose for 8 weeks trying to get the hell out of here!"



OH THOSE SUCKY RAIDERS
Speaking of the Raiders, Oakland rakced up a negative 2 yards in the first half last week and ended the game with 77 yards total. To put this in perspective, Sen. John McCain gained more yards running away from President Bush during the election than the Raiders gained the entire game.




MATT JONES SET TO APPEAL
Matt Jones, WR with the Jaguars, is appealing his 3 game suspension after a felony conviction came down on him for cocain use. The NFL said they had to suspend Jones because at every game, the groundscrew had to keep redoing the field due to Jones sniffing up all the white lines.



HERM EDWARDS GIVES APPLAUSE
Kansas City Chiefs Coach Herm Edwards applauded the victory by newly President-Elect Barack Obama saying "this is a great day in American history." Edwards then proceeded to offer Obama a multi-year contract to play quarterback for the team. Edwards said he contemplated sending a similar offer to Gov. Palin to play running back, but figured he already had enough women at that position.





HORRIBLE FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM THAT DESTROYED YOURS LAST WEEK

Gus Frerotte, QB, Vikings -- 11-for-18, 182 yards, 3 TD, 1 INT

Peyton Hillis, RB, Broncos -- 116 receiving yards, 1 TD

Cedric Benson, RB, Bengals -- 24 carries, 104 yards, 1 TD

Michael Jenkins, WR, Falcons -- 2 catches, 64 yards, 2 TD

Koren Robinson, WR, Seahawks -- 4 catches, 105 yards, 1 TD

Brent Celek, TE, Eagles -- 6 catches, 131 yards





BEST FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM....EVER!!!