Friday Pic of The Week

This sign mysteriously showed up in the parking lot of the White House.

The Spelling Bee

The Scripps National Spelling Bee is underway with kids competing to be the nation's best speller. Due to their experiences in school, there were a few words all of these smart kids were able to spell correctly...
"WEDGIE," "SWIRLY," "DE-PANTS," and "GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH MONEY."

He Must Be Delirious

Paramount Pictures has given the go-ahead for a fourth installment of its "Beverly Hills Cop" franchise, with Eddie Murphy on board to play the lead. This decision has been met with controversy as the 12 people who saw Beverly Hills Cop 2 and 3 are still suing the studio to get their money back.

Too Extreme?

Dunkin' Donuts has pulled an online advertisement featuring Rachael Ray after complaints that a fringed black-and-white scarf she wore in the ad offers symbolic support for Muslim extremism and terrorism. People were outraged saying if you were going to pull something of the air, it should be her cooking show.

Oh Baby!

A couple has been arrested in what Canadian police said was an apparent offer to sell their seven-day-old baby girl on Craigslist for C$10,000 ($10,100). A Craigslist spokesman said, "The couple wasn't smart at all. They could have made ten times that amount if they had just called Madonna."

Call A Plumber

The international space station's lone toilet is broken, leaving the crew with almost nowhere to go. The three-man crew had to make do with a rigged system when they needed to urinate. Unbelievable. The government spent millions of dollars on this space station and still don't have a pot to piss in.

Sex and the Sissy

"Sex and the City" opened it's premiere last night in New York to rave reviews. Not to say this will be the ultimate chick flick, but many guys left the theater experiencing their first ovulation.

New York Steps Up

NY Governor David Patterson says NY is set to immediately change policies and regulations to recognize gay marriages performed elsewhere. "Wooo Hooo!! This is a victory for all of us in the gay community," said Tom Cruise.

The Karma of Karma

Follow-up: Sharon Stone now says she is "deeply sorry" for saying that the Chinese earthquake may have been Karma for its government's treatment of Tibet. No word yet on whether Stone is deeply sorry for "Sliver," "Casino," and "The Quick and The Dead."

Oh BEE-have

A hiker at South Mountain's preserve in Phoenix, AZ, was hospitalized Monday night after he was stung hundreds of times by bees over a two hour period. Police said next time he should BEE more careful and mind his own beeswax.

A spokesman for the bees said he couldn't comment due to the fact it was a sting operation.

Nevertheless, officials have issued an A.P.BEE on the culprits.

Spilling The Beans

In his new book, former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan says he now believes President Bush and his aides lied to him about the war in Iraq. McClellan said he was most upset when Bush sent him an e-mail saying a Nigerian Prince wanted to give him $5 million.

Indiana Jones Strikes Back

“Indiana Jones” was the #1 movie this weekend making over $300 million worldwide. Not to say Harrison Ford is getting old, but in the movie, he had to escape that big rolling ball on a scooter. To make matters worse, Indy had his blinker on for 12 blocks.

Let's Keep This Private

Yesterday, President Bush attended a fundraiser for Sen. John McCain, which was the first time the unpopular president appeared with McCain in over two months. Pundits say McCain has to be careful because, well, its kinda like Robert Blake running for office and having O.J. campaigning for him.

What Goes Around...

Sharon Stone upset many Chinese residents by suggesting the devastating May 12th earthquake in China could have been the result of bad karma over the government's treatment of Tibet. Much like her recent car accident was karma for Basic Instinct 2.

To Infinity and Beyond

The Phoenix vessil landed safely on mars beaming back pictures after it's first night. Upon hearing about this successful landing, Hillary Clinton said the nomination should include Florida, Michigan, and now Mars. "Neglecting the Martian vote is like Captain Kirk not recognizing the Romulans in Star Trek 3."

Bush Going Out With A Bang?

The Jerusalem Post says that President Bush has a plan to attack Iran before he leaves the White House. This came as a shock to everyone. President Bush actually has a plan?

Food For Fuel

A new poll says consumers are cutting back on driving but not on eating. So that settles it. Americans will protest high gas prices, but embrace high blood pressure.

In a related story, a California man has come up with a way to combine both gas and food by inventing the first car to run on Double Doubles. It's called the "In-N-Audi"

RE-Play Ball!

Major League Baseball is planning to experiment with instant replay starting with a few minor league games. Now it should be easier to see that homerun, foulball, and injection in the dugout.

High Cost of Porn

California Assemblyman Charles Calderon has proposed a new 25% tax on all porn in the state as a form of a "sin tax." This led many people to scratch their heads and say, "People still buy porn?"

FRIDAY PIC OF THE WEEK

I don't think Gerber had this in mind when they said, "Try our baby food."

Clean Bill of Health?

Sen. John McCain finally released his medical records today after a year of being pressured to do so. It was immediately discovered the one thing most likely to take down McCain....President Bush.

We Can Not Accept

Palestinian leaders disowned Osama bin Laden's statement of support this week. Palestinian leaders said they reject AND denounce the endorsement of bin Laden. Oh, wait, no, that was McCain and Pastor Hagee.

Another Meeting On the Hill

Oil company CEO’s met again with congressman on capital hill this week to discuss gas prices. After hearing oil execs and politicians were going to be in the same room, the Guinness Book of World records showed up to confirm this was actually a record for the most B.S. ever to be spewed in one sitting.

Power It Up

A Japanese company has just unveiled the worlds first solar powered bra. So now when men run by and grab a boob, they can tell the judge they were just trying to help out the environment.

Baby Bye Bye Bye

Boy band mogul Lou Pearlman, who launched Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync, was sentenced to 25 years in prison on Wednesday for swindling investors and major U.S. banks out of more than $300 million. What was this scam which left investors high and dry you ask? The Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour.

Auto-Stimulation

Edward Smith, who suffers from "mechaphilia" - a sexual attraction to machines, professed his unusual love for cars in documentary saying he makes love to his car. I guess that gives new meaning to the phrase "junk in the trunk."

I hate to see this guy's friend borrowing the car. "Hey dude, why is this gear shaft sticky?"

Statehouse Smackdown

In St. Paul, MINN, Vandals broke into the statehouse and defaced a portrait of former Governor, Jesse Ventura. One clue was left which led poilce to the vagrants. A sign spray painted on the wall read, “If ya smelllllllllll, what the Rock….is…cookin!”

A New Champ is Crowned

David Cook won American Idol last night beating out David Archuleta by a margin of 12 million votes. Archuletta is now protesting to have the Florida and Michigan vote discounted due to the fact they voted early.

Hillary Clinon chimed in saying, "He lost by 12 million votes? He should go in the back rooms and get the super-producers to over-turn the popular vote."

Just Un-BEARable

The U.S. has now listed Polar Bears as an endangered species. Polar bears now take over the top spot from the other white, blundering species on the brink of extinction...Republicans.

What An Ass

An ornery donkey was tossed in a Mexican jail meant for drunks and people who create public disturbances after kicking and biting two men near a ranch in Chiapas, Mexico. This just shows that if you make an ass of yourself, you get thrown in jail.

The cops then took the donkey's picture and put it on the side of their cars, under the title, "Putting your ass in jail since 1859."

Give That Lady a Hand

Sarah Jessica Parker was out in Hollywood promoting her new movie, "Sex In The City" last night. However, after seeing her hands, many people mistook her for a stunt double for one of the hobbits in the new "Lord of The Rings" movie.

photo TMZ

Are We There Yet?

The Democratic primary came closer to an end with Hillary Clinton winning Kentucky and Barack Obama winning Oregon last night. When asked if Clinton has any chance of winning the nomination now, pundits said, "Yea, she has a chance to win. Just like O.J. has a chance to win Father of the Year."

Dancing To Victory

Kristi Yamaguchi won Dancing With the Stars beating out football player Jason Taylor & actor Cristian de la Fuente. Jason Taylor broke down in tears after the show. When asked why he was crying, Taylor said, “Now this means I have to go BACK to the Dolphins.”

Bush The Ambassador

Over the weekend, President Bush visited the place where most of the Arab world resides in order to lower oil and gas prices. Unfortunately, 7-11 refused to grant the President his request. However they did decide to lower slurpee prices.

Nothing But The Tooth

A recent study shows that people with few or no natural teeth left by age 70 may be aging faster than normal. The same study showed that people with few or no natural teeth left by the age of 30, are probably voting in the Kentucky primary today.

Unlikely Endorsement

Yesterday, West Virginia Senator and former Klansman Robert Byrd endorsed Barack Obama. Even the Pope commented on this endorsement saying, "You know it's one of the signs of the apocolypse when the Klan starts to support the Black guy."

Record Turnout

Sen. Barack Obama was greeted by a record-turnout crowd in Portland, Oregon on Sunday, estimated at 75,000. The rally took place on the banks of the Willamette River. After the rally, Barack turned the river into wine and a good time was had by all.

Got Milk???

In Morris, Ill, police say a trailer loaded with 14 tons of double-stuffed Oreos overturned, spilling the cookies still in their plastic sleeves into the median and roadway. The driver of the truck was quoted as saying, "Well, I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles."

Reports showed the driver fell asleep, then tossed his cookies.

Hillary Clinton chimed in saying, "Oreos...on the freeway...in Illinois? If this isn't a blantant advertisement for Obama I don't know what is."

Sir Charles In Debt

Charles Barkley has a reported $400,000 gambling debt to a Las Vegas Casino. The casino says they will write off the loss if Charles promises to put the casino in his Fav Five.

Reports show Barkley racked up the majority of his debts at the tables. Not the poker tables....the buffet tables.

Smarter Than The Average Boy

Moshe Kai Cavalin, a ten year old boy, is now a college student at East Los Angeles College. Everyone was shocked once the news broke. How in the hell does East Los Angeles have a college.

Bush Gives Back

President Bush recently said to show his solidarity with military families he sacrificed playing golf. He went on to say to show his solidarity with oil companies, he sacrificed the presidency.

It's In The Stars

At their yearly convention in Denver, Astrologers are trying to pick the winner of the Presidential election. When asked if they could see Hillary Clinton winning, one astrologer said, "Hey, we specialize in predicting the future NOT raising the dead. The Voo-Doo Convention is down the street."

I've Got Your Back

Jorge Espinal of Fort Worth TX, shot himself in the back after he tried to scratch a bad back itch with a revolver. Well, at least he didn't have jock itch.

"Doesn't this guy know the best thing for a back itch is a knife?" said O.J.

Friday Pic of The Week

COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!!!!

Rodman Looking To Rebound

Prosecutors say they have charged former NBA star Dennis Rodman with domestic violence for allegedly hitting his girlfriend at a hotel last month. Police reports showed Rodman became upset when he found out his girlfriend used his lipstick.

Bush Being Bush

Yesterday, Congress voted against a bill that among other things would legalize euthanasia. This infuriated President Bush which caused him to say, "We have already given billions of dollars to China in secret. What's wrong with making it legal to help the "youth in Asia?"

Victory for Gay People

Yesterday, The California Supreme Court voted 4-3 to lift the state-wide ban on gay marriages. This led to celebration as gay people all over the state went out last night to paint the town red…and pink….and fuschia….and lavender…etc…etc

C is For Cookie

Jennifer Sharpe, a 15 year old from Michigan, recently sold 17,328 boxes of Girl Scout cookies, shattering her troop's old mark and probably setting a national record. After hearing this, John McCain promptly hired the girl to sell his "Bush Third Term" cookies to the American people.

More Charges

Barry Bonds was charged in a new indictment this week with 15 felony counts alleging he lied to a grand jury when he denied knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs. Bonds sealed his legal fate, when in a bout of frustration, he ripped off his shirt, thusly exposing his 3rd nipple.

Put A Cork In it

The Duggar Family recently appeared on the Today show announcing they are about to have their 18th child. This announcement led to one of the audience members saying, well, at least they should have enough money to raise all their kids seeing they saved a boatload on birth control.