Scene 1:
Terrell Owens celebrated his 35th birthday on Sunday with a loss to the Pittsburg Steelers. But despite the loss, the Cowboys still made sure to celebrate their star's special day. Here is what transpired:
(Scene: The locker room. Owens' teammates gather around his locker and hand him a wrapped package.)
Owens: "Thank you for remembering my birthday, guys."
Romo: "No problem, buddy. We all chipped in. We think you'll like it."
(Shakes box. Holds it to his ear.)
Owens: "Hmm ... it seems light. I don't have a clue. I guess I'll just open it."
(Opens the package. Pulls out a paper containing that says, 8-5.)
Owens: "I don't get it. What is it?"
Witten: "That's our record dumb a$$! Look how far down we are compared to last year. That's terrible! We might not even make the playoffs. And it was all to make you happy!"
Owens: "Oh, my ... this ... this ...(sniff...sniff)... this is the greatest gift ever. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much."
Scene 2:
This past week, Plaxico Burress pleaded not guilty to gun possession, and firing an unlicensed weapon. Before the arraignment, Plaxico met with Al Sharpton to discuss strategy:
Al: So let me get this straight, you shot yourself with your own gun?
Plax: Yea, I think I'm in some deep doo doo this time.
Al: I got it! We'll just say this is another example of the white man always blaming the black man every time a gun goes off.
Plax: But Al, I was the one who shot myself
Al: Then we'll say this is just black on black crime exploited by the government to make the Black man look stupid..
Plax: Dude, it WAS stupid. I shot myself.
Al: Then we'll end it with, "Plaxico is well educated, well behaved, and was well dressed on that night so he was obviously a target." I mean, it's not like you were wearing sweat pants and slippers right? (laughs heartily)
Plax: (looks down slowly) Uh, yea, I was.
Al: YOU'RE SCREWED! Not even Obama can save you now.
HORRIBLE FANTASY TEAM THAT CRUSHED YOURS LAST WEEK
Seneca Wallace, QB, Seahawks -- 20-for-28, 212 yards, 3 touchdowns, 47 rushing yards
Darren Sproles, RB, Chargers -- 64 total yards, 2 touchdowns
Tashard Choice, RB, Cowboys -- 166 total yards
Deion Branch, WR, Seahawks -- 4 catches, 88 yards, 2 touchdowns
Bryant Johnson, WR, 49ers -- 6 catches, 49 yards, 1 touchdown
Anthony Fasano, TE, Dolphins -- 3 catches, 36 yards, 1 touchdown
