Bacon-Flavored Baby Formula???

You'd feed your infant bacon-flavored baby formula when pigs fly, right? If that's the case, the latest product from J&D Foods might have hogs taking flight sooner than you think.
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William Hale's Comedy Column "JUST SAYIN" appearing in NITEGUIDE MAGAZINE

APRIL ISSUE

Spring break is right around the corner. And as we all know, this time of year brings out the alcohol, free love, and REGRETS! So let’s take a look at some of these common regrets and hope you have none of these once spring break is over.

I regret…

- Buying that discounted vacation package to Pakistan
- Drinking before 7 am
- Starring in Gigolos Gone Wild
- Discovering a new STD
- Thinking alcohol could make me more attractive
- Thinking alcohol could make others more attractive
- Thinking alcohol could make me a better dancer
- Drinking and then texting my ex at 4am to tell her I love her. Then 2
minutes later telling her I hate her.
- Challenging the football team from a rival school to a mud wrestling match
- Propositioning an undercover cop for a quickie in a port-a-potty.
- Getting drunk and going to bed with someone who looked like Halle
Berry then waking up sober only to notice she looks like Franken Berry.

For daily laughs and to keep up with William Hale’s show schedule, add him at www.facebook.com/williamhale02

Man Attacks McDonalds Worker Over Filet-O-Fish Sandwich

SOUTH BRUNSWICK, NJ (APP) — What started as a late-night order for a McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwich and turned into an attack on a drive-thru worker could land a New Brunswick man back in prison, police said.
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Doctors Claim Man Has World’s Largest Man Boobs

A Chinese farmer, who turned up at a chest clinic in Beijing, is thought to have the world’s biggest man boobs.
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Women Try To Smuggle Dead Body Onto Plane In Wheelchair

Shades of the movie "Weekend at Bernie's." Two women were arrested at Liverpool's John Lennon Airport for trying to board an EasyJet plane with a dead body, police said on Tuesday.
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Woman Sets Fire In Police Station To Be Closer To Boyfriend

LEWISTON — A Bangor woman was arrested Friday, accused of setting a poster on fire in the lobby of the police station. The reason she did it: Police say Cox wanted to get arrested to be closer to her boyfriend, who had been taken to the Androscoggin County Jail in Auburn the night before.
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"Child" In Support Case Is A Granddad

Fights over children, who gets custody and how much for child support, are at the heart of any family law court on any given day. In this case, however, the mom has a head of gray hair and has been collecting Social Security for more than a decade. The father was born in the heart of the Jazz Age, when Coolidge was President. And the "child" in question is a retired grandfather.
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8 Year Old Boy Takes Family Van For Gas, Crashes

BETHEL, Ohio (AP) - An Ohio man says his 8-year-old son was just trying to do him a favor and get gasoline when the boy drove the family's minivan and crashed it.
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Study Shows Women With More Education, Get Drunk More Often

Women who went to university consume more alcohol than their less-highly-educated counterparts, a major study has found. Those with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and they are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem.
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Tiger Woods Moves to Stop Sex Toys With His Likeness

(HP) - Tiger Woods sex toys have flooded the market since the world's top golfer became embroiled in an intricate web of women. As it turns out, Woods' lawyers aren't pleased.
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Casino Offers "Winner" Breakfast Instead Of $42 Million

Denver, CO, United States (AHN) - A customer at a Colorado casino won a $42 million jackpot, however managers at the casino offered her a free breakfast and $23 in lieu of the millions. The reason? They said the slot machine malfunctioned and that its top payout is only $250,000.
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Woman Crashes Into Salon, Stays To Get Hair Done

PLAINFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) ― An 82-year-old woman who accidentally crashed her car through the front window of a southwest Michigan salon stuck around afterward for an appointment to get her hair done.
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Dumb Asses of the Week

Would-be Robbers Get Nabbed At Crime Scene
Juan Pablo Vargas-Sanabria and Damian Miguel Regalado were arrested Tuesday night for allegedly trying rob a man at knife-point in the parking lot of a convenience store in Southern Oregon. How did they get caught? By returning to the scene of the crime to get there car....when the cops were interviewing witnesses.
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Man Arrested After Running Nude Through Grocery Store
A Church Hill man has been charged with indecent exposure after allegedly running nude through a Kingsport grocery store, wearing only a rubber mask on his face.

The man was arrested at a nearby Hardee's, where he reportedly asked employees for clothing before hiding in the bathroom. Police say the suspect admitted to the incident, citing, "he was bored and didn't have anything to do."
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Naked Woman In Elevator Goes Down
A Norfolk woman is facing a May hearing after Henrico County police responded to a complaint from a Short Pump hotel "of a nude female on the elevator screaming with [a] gun."

The incident Friday at 8:30 p.m. at the Hilton Richmond Hotel & Spa ended peacefully in the parking lot, where Franchesca D. Edwards, 25, was arrested without resistance, clothed and armed with a "cap gun," according to police.
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You Can Check "Bank Robbery" Off Your Bucket List
Last week Patrica D. Edwards, 51, walked into a bank, handed a teller a note and left with cash before being apprehended three days later, according to police in DeLand, FL. But it's the motive that makes this story.

In a phone interview from jail, Edwards, pictured at left via the bank's cameras, told a TV reporter that robbing the bank was on her "bucket list" adding, "Because I think everybody should have a bucket list of things they want to do before they expire."
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Wife Suffers Tonsil Injury From Oral Sex

MOSCOW (APP) - A young woman from Moscow received emergency treatment after suffering a serious injury to the mucous membranes in her throat while performing fellatio on her husband.
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Easter Bunny Roughed Up Outside NY Candy Shop

FISHKILL, NY (AP) - Police say a woman dressed as the Easter Bunny to promote a Hudson Valley candy shop was slammed to the ground by a man who then ran away.
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Flight Attendants Go Nude - Cause Turbulence Of Their Own

Nine women, all flight attendants with the now bankrupt Spanish Air Comet airline, posed nude for a calendar to "continue to publicize their situation and demand a solution."
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Now We Know Why Men Look at Women

This stunning news comes via a serious academic study done by Dr. Louann Brizendine, a member of the National Board of Medical Examiners. She says, "They have to check out the goods."
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Muggers Caught When Returning For Car

MEDFORD, Ore. (AP) - The people who witnessed a robbery attempt at an Oregon convenience store didn't need to describe the muggers. They just needed to point.
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Man Fleeing Police Jumps Fence - Into Prison

CLEVELAND (AP) - Police say a motorist fleeing officers in Cleveland abandoned his car and jumped a fence - landing in what turned out to be a prison yard.
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Calif. Woman Gets 6 Months For Fake Breasts Heist

WESTMINSTER, Calif. (AP) - Orange County's so-called "Breast Implant Bandit" has been sentenced to six months in jail for stealing a pair of breast implants.
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