THE COWBOYS WILL CRUSH THE EAGLES
Many of you may think the Eagles have a chance of pulling off a HUGE upset this Monday night, but I am going to lay out the reasons why the Eagles have less of a chance to win than a piece of cake around Oprah.
The Eagles will lose BIG to the Cowboys because:
1) T.O. hasn't tried to overdose in over a year and has promised not to call Romo gay....again. Also, he only dropped 7 passes in practice which means he is focused big time.
2) Pac-Man Jones has not frequented a strip club in over a week just so he could focus on this game. So unless McNabb puts on a thong, and starts grinding on the football, Pac-Man will be on top of his game.
3) Wade Phillips has vowed not to wear his pants up around his neck anymore. Geeesh! This dude might as well put sleeves on his pants as high as he pulls them up.
4) Jerry Jones just had more plastic surgery assuring he will have a permanent smile throughout the game. Just because Jones looks like the Joker in the new Batman movie, doesn't mean he cares any less about his team.
6) The Eagles are now shopping for receivers at Sams Club. The new team motto is, "If you can "catch" anything, a cold, a bus, an STD, you can try out for us."
BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
5) Donovan McNabb will most certainly get injured....again. Knowing him, it will be a hang nail or something. Hey, when DOESN'T this guy get hurt? What the hell is a sports hernia? C'mon, I once played 6 hrs straight with a broken leg. Of course, I was playing X-Box, but that's not the point.
The bottom line is the Cowboys are a much better team and will crush the Eagles this
Monday night. And if you think differently, step on over to "The Sport Court" in my column at www.knowhuddle.com, defend your team, and prove me wrong!!!
NO SURGERY FOR KOBE
Kobe Bryant has decided to fore go pinkie surgery so he doesn't miss any part of the upcoming season. Kobe said he wanted to be there with his team from the beginning of the season, until the end, when they lose again in the Championship.
OLYMPICS ARE HISTORIC
The numbers are in. The Olympics were watched by 3 out of every 4 people in the world. That number was so high because all the Re-Deem Team’s kids were watching the games.
BRADY DONE FOR THE SEASON
New England Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady will be out for the season with a knee injury. When President Bush heard a star would be out for the season he said, “Idol just won’t be the same without Simon.”
DE LA HOYA TO FIGHT AGAIN
Oscar De La Hoya has agreed to fight Manny Pacquiao on Dec. 6 this year at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. This time, De La Hoya promised the fishnet stockings and heels would not be a part of his training regiment.
NAME CHANGE
ProFootballTalk.com is reporting Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson has reportedly changed his name to Chad Javon Ocho Cinco. The way Chad killed my fantasy team last year, he needs to change his name to "Catcho Toucdowno You Bastardito"
LPGA SETS A STANDARD
The LPGA sent out a memo stating ALL players must learn to speak English or face suspension. The LPGA said every player must at least be able to say, “Michelle Wie Sucks!” in English.
OLYMPICS ARE HISTORIC
The Olympics pulled in a total of 214 million viewers making it the most watched tv show in U.S. TV history. The main reason for this…pedophiles all over the country tuned into watch the Chinese Women’s Gymnastics Team.
STRAHAN SAYS NO
Michael Strahan turned down an offer from the New York giants to come out of retirement and play one more season. Strahan said his new schedule has him booked up for the next 9 months. Apparently, that’s how long it takes to fix the gap in his teeth.
ONLY THE ASS-ENTIALS
According to "ASKMEN.com" Misty May not only received a gold medal, be she also received the much sought after, heavily contested, "J-LO ASS-ets" award.
GOLD FOR THE U.S.A.
The US Men’s Basketball Team, dubbed "The Re-Deem Team," walked away with the gold medal by beating Spain in the championship game. Now, Kobe has another piece of jewelry he can give to his wife after he cheats on her.
TWICE AS NICE
Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh won their second consecutive gold medal in beach volleyball Thursday beating China in straight sets. Let’s see, there were women in bikinis jumping up and down, grunts, moans, slaps, and spikes. In other words, a typical Friday at Robert Downey Jr.’s house.
MLB OK'S REPLAY
Major League Baseball signed an agreement Wednesday that will allow the sport to start using instant replay to help determine calls on the field. In light of this, The Chicago Cubs have asked MLB if they could replay the last 100 years.
BOLTING TO A WORLD RECORD
Jamaican Usain Bolt shattered the world record in the men's 100 meter dash to win the gold medal over the weekend. The only person in the world faster than Bolt is John McCain running away from George Bush.
AS GOOD AS GOLD
Michael Phelps won his record breaking 8th gold medal this weekend with a world record in the 4x100 medley relay. Phelps now has more victories than the New York Mets.
TIGER'S OUT FOR A WHILE
Tiger Woods says he won't swing a golf club at all until next year. Even without swinging the clubs, Tiger will still probably win 6 tournaments this year.
ARE THE CHINESE GYMNASTS TOO YOUNG?
The U.S. Women's Gymnastics Team says the Chinese team has been cheating by using girls under 16 years old. To prove their point, the US gymnasts pointed out the fact that the Chinese team is sponsored by, "To Catch a Predator."
This revelation prompted an immediate flight to Beijing by R. Kelly
U.S. WOMEN WIN GOLD
U.S. Women ended up winning the gold and silver medals in the all-around gymnastic competition. The Chinese team was not too disappointed however. They just took the vault and a few high bars outside and beat up some protesters.
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