MADONNA & A-ROD?
New reports say Madonna is having an affair with New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez. She should take advantage of the affair right now because when October rolls around, we all know A-Rod can't perform.





BILL & BARACK'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE
Bill Clinton said he and Barack Obama had a, "terrific conversation" on the phone this week. Clinton said the convo went smooth once they started talking about Hillary's kankles.





SOUL FOR SALE
A New Zealand man has put his soul up for auction to the highest bidder on the country's local auction website. This isn’t anything new. The entire Bush administration sold it’s soul to the Devil years ago.





PARTY CRASHER
An intoxicated 74 yr old Norwalk, CA woman accidentally plowed her car through the front window of a convenient store, then calmly got out of the car and tried to buy a six-pack of beer. The woman could be overheard telling the cashier, “Hey, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.”





FREE JOGGING
A Lincoln, Neb., man was charged with indecent exposure this week for running on a bike trail wearing nothing but a thong. During the hearing, his attorney said, "If the thong fits, you must acquit!!" Which prompted the District Attorney to respond by saying, "It can't be long if it fits in thong!!"