A BALDWIN WE CAN BELIEVE IN
Stephen Baldwin said he would leave the country if Barack Obama becomes president.
This all but certainly guarantees Obama a victory come November.

Hollywood was rather concerned about this until they realized Stephen Baldwin is about as relevant as the beta max and members only jackets.




CHAMP AGAIN
Joey Chestnut achieved hot dog immortality on July 4th, out-eating Japanese rival Kobiyashi in the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Chestnut downed so many wieners, he also received the "Paris Hilton Award."




THE U.S. AND DRUGS
A study says The U.S. is the top drug using country in the world. The number one reason for this? Rush Limbaugh just signed a new contract to continue his show through 2016.




JUICY SEEDLESS LOVE
A new report shows ingredients found in the flesh and rind of watermelons deliver Viagra-Like effects. This report was brought to you by the National Watermelon Growers Council.

By the way, if you experience an erection lasting for more than 4 hours after eating watermelon, please consult your local farmer-cy.




IT'S A GIRL!!!
Thomas Beatie, the so-called "pregnant man," gave birth Sunday to a healthy baby girl. I’m going to assume this baby will probably be bottle fed.