THE GOVERNATOR SAYS "I'LL BE BACK!"
Arnold Schwarzenegger's apologized for his lowest approval ratings as California Governor saying he will turn it around. No word yet as to whether he’ll apologize for "Kindergarten Cop," “Twins,” and “Jingle All The way.”




1-900-MISTAKE
The Family Health Administration in Annapolis MD , made a huge error by mistakenly publishing a sex hotline phone number instead of it’s own job hotline number on it’s website. Officials began to notice when more and more people were showing up to give sperm instead of blood.




THE MORTGAGE MELTDOWN CONTINUES
IndyMac, the nation's second largest mortgage company, laid off 3,400 employees yesterday due to continued lost revenue. IndyMac said due to the current economic situation, they hope their new product will take off....Financing homeless shelters.




LIFE'S A BEACH
In what seemed like a scene from a movie, a British woman decided to divorce her newly wed hubby, for the bartender who served drinks at her wedding in Cuba . Sources say it's due to the fact the bartender was leaving three tracks in the sand.



THE NEW BARTER SYSTEM
In Fort Wright , Kentucky , police caught prostitutes in a sting, selling their bodies for gas cards. Wow, so now I guess you can get screwed twice at the pump.

Police became suspicious after noticing one prostitute’s slogan, “Ass, Gas, or Grass! Because NO ONE rides for free!”