BASEBALL ALL NIGHT
The American League beat the National League in the longest ever All-Star game last night. The game took so long, A-Rod had enough time to convert to Kabbalah, Scientology, then back Christianity.




MENU CHANGES
Dog meat has been ordered taken off Beijing restaurants during the Summer Olympics. Now, dogs all over will be sneaking out of the city like they were on the underground railroad.




MCCAIN GETS SOME HELP
John McCain's has hired a new speech coach to help him look more comfortable on camera. Apparently, talking out of both sides of his mouth was not polling too well.



NEW ORLEANS IS BACK ON TOP
According to the Census Bureau, New Orleans earned the title of "Fastest Growing" city in the US in 2007. That’s much better than its previous title...Fastest "Rising" City.



IS IT OVER???
TMZ is reporting Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have broken up. Apparently, she realized being attached to the human Pillsbury Doughboy could only take her career so far.