WHICH CANDIDATE KEEPS YOU PROTECTED?
The Practice Safe Policy website is now selling both John McCain and Barack Obama condoms. The label on the McCain condoms reads "old but not expired," while the Obama condom says "Hates Bush...and the President too."



CALLING IT QUITS
Ron Paul formally abandoned his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination on Thursday. Paul’s reasoning was he was tired of being the “irrelevant” candidate. Or as it’s more commonly known, “Hillaryosis.”



NBA HISTORY
The Boston Celtics made history last night by coming back from 24 points down and beating the Los Angeles Lakers, 97-91. This led to one reporter saying, "You don't even see chokes like that in the WWE."

In a related story, Shaquille O'Neil held a press conference on a navy ship with a banner behind him that read, "Mission Accomplished."



TAINTED LOVE
A new report out states 1 out of every 4 New York citizens has herpes. In order not to skew the results, no New York Governors were included.

The report also shows there is a very popular website where people with herpes can go online, and hook-up for dates. It's called "MySpace."