THE GORE-ACLE
Al Gore officially endorsed Barack Obama Monday night in Detroit Michigan. This looks like it’s over for McCain. Now, the fat lady AND the fat man are singing.



GOING TO THE CHAPEL
Many gay couples were married Monday night after California became the second state to allow same-sex marriages. A protestor yelled “Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed.” Oh yes, because the sanctity of the Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would definitely be destroyed by the gays.

And it’s obvious gay parents will raise gay children…since straight parents only raise straight children.



NEED TO GO TO REHAB
Singer Amy Winehouse fainted at her home on Monday and had to be rushed to the hospital. Test results came back showing she had so much cocaine in her system, if she were to get cut, she would actually bleed perfectly packaged kilos.



SAY WHAT?
A New Orleans man faces up to 40 years in prison after police found he was wearing a diaper containing 257 grams of heroin. In his defense, the suspect maintained the heroin was 'black tar baby powder.' It’s good to see the cops were just doing their doody.



A HOLY NAME
A school bus driver and amateur artist from Chicago, Ill. has become the first person to legally changed his name to "In God We Trust." This prompted Dick Cheney to immediately change his name to “In Oil We Trust.”