EVERYTHING'S IM-PEACHY KEAN
U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich said Monday he wants Congress to consider a resolution to impeach President George W. Bush. After laughing profusely, the House Republicans poked fun at Kucinich by saying he looked like the stunt double for Bill Bo Baggins.




I OBJECT
A judge halted a drug conspiracy trial Tuesday after some jurors were found to have been playing the puzzle game Sudoku while evidence was being given. In a related story, police are now investigating the jurors of the O.J. trail hoping to find out exactly WHAT THE HELL they were playing.




FREE FALLING
Two men scaled the 52-story office tower of the New York Times Yesterday, then fell all the way back down to the ground safely. When asked why they fell down instead of using ropes, they said they wanted see how it felt to be George Bush’s approval rating.




THE ROYAL DEBT
Prince Charles just paid off a family debt incurred more than 350 years ago. Prince Charles said he found some old documents showing his ancestors still owed John McCain for deliveries he made to King Arthur.




HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD
A suburban Kansas City man accidentally fired a 2.5-inch nail into the top of his head, but says he now feels fine after a doctor removed it. I can imagine the operating room, “Place him on the workbench. I need a scalpel…clamp…vice…clawhammer. Ok, now duct tape the wound and we’re done.” When asked how the surgery went, the doctor replied, “Nailed it!!”