BILL BACK ON THE TRAIL?
Bill Clinton publicly says he is willing to do whatever it takes to help elect Barack Obama as president. The Obama campaign asked Bill to do what he does best...Take one for the team and keep the fat chicks away from the tour bus.




MADE FOR EACH OTHER
Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton will appear together this week for unity meetings. At their first stop, they will perform “Riverdance” in clogs on “America’s Got Talent.”





SOMETHING SHADY'S GOING ON
A new report shows law students were rejected for Justice Department jobs due to their liberal views or objections to President Bush’s politics on their resumes. The main reason for the rejections were the fact these students showed up to the interview...with a resume.





STIMULATE MY DEBT
About $2 billion in economic stimulus rebate checks are being confiscated to pay overdue bills for child support, student loans and back taxes. “Oh Crap!!” yelled NBA players, doctors, and Wesley Snipes.





SHAQ STRIPPED OF BADGE
Shaquille O’Neal will lose his special deputy’s badge in Maricopa County because of language he used in a rap video that mocks former teammate Kobe Bryant. Sheriff Arpaoi said it wasn't so much the rap as it was “Steel,” “Blue Chip,” and “Kazaam.”