CHINESE BEAT DOWN
China issued an apology for the beatings of two Japanese journalists who were covering a deadly assault by Muslim separatists. China officials said when you’re so used to beating the crap out of everyone, it’s difficult to tell the good guys from the bad.




THE BLAME GAME
The Rwandan Government issued a new report stating France played a major active role in the 1994 Rwanda Genocide. This shocked everyone due to the fact France has not played an active role in anything since never.




PUFF PUFF PASS
SaferChoice.org, a pro-marijuana group, has launched their "Drug Dealer Cindy" McCain campaign, targeting her beer company which the group considers more harmful than marijuana. This led a pro-marriage group to launch their "Adulterer, leave your wife in a wheelchair John" McCain ad.





PROTECT THE PUPPIES
German policewomen are now being issued and required to wear bullet-resistant bras. These will come in handy for those dangerous undercover assignments at the strip club.

You know, I think Cher already has a couple of these in her wardrobe.




GIVE ME A HIGH 6
Haramb Kumthekar, from India, holds the world record for most fingers and toes on a living person with 12 fingers, and 14 toes. This mean Haramb can actually count higher than anyone in West Virgina.