Here We Go Again

Sen. Clinton and Sen. Obama took part in their final debate last night in Phila, PA. Did we really need another debate? This one made 21 debates so far. Let's see, that's 21 debates, thousands of tv and radio appearances, book signings, and town hall meetings. Hell, we've seen more of these people than Priscilla Presley has seen plastic surgeons.

Bless You II

The Pope is holding his first mass in the U.S. in a baseball stadium in Washington D.C. Over 1000 priests will also be in attendance to assist with communion and confessionals. 1000 priests all in the same place at the same time? This should definitely lead to a record number of.........Amber Alerts.

MC Bill Cosby

Comedian Bill Cosby is set to release a hip-hop album, that's right, a hip hop album, described as an "unflinching look at life in the 21st century, but without the profanity. We await the much anticipated first single, "That Flarrin Filtherin Betta Have My Money."

Olympic Troubles

The Dalai Lama now says he regrets voting to have the Olympics in China. He said he hasn't been this embarrassed of a vote since he voted for Sanjaya on American Idol.

American Choppers

The oldest known set of dentures were recently discovered in Sweden dating back almost 5000 years. "I wonder where the hell I left those," said John McCain.

Uncle Same Wants You....And Your Money

Yesterday was April 15th, the last day to file those taxes. Or as Wesley Snipes calls it, "Super Tuesday."

I still don't think Wesley gets it. His excuse for not paying taxes....
The "Day Walker" exemption.

Bless You

Pope Benedict XVI arrived in the US for his week long visit on Tuesday. He performed His first miracle the moment he stepped off the plane...ALL of His luggage arrived on time.

The Pope could later be seen walking around the airport blessing all the American Airlines' planes.

President Bush said he wanted to sit down with the Pope and have a confessional. To which the Pope answered, "Not even GOD can forgive those sins buddy."

How Low Can You Go?

A new survey shows President Bush's approval ratings are down to 28%, the lowest for any President ever in history. On the other hand, President Bush's approval ratings are at 100% with Haliburton, Exxon, and Al Queda.

President Bush responded to his low approval ratings by invading South Dakota.

Country's Big Night

The CMT Country Music Awards went down last night in Nashville honoring the best and brightest in Country Music. To say many people just don't get Country music is an understatement. Not even Country music fans understand it. Here are a few responses from Country music fans when asked about musical terminology.

What do the following mean?

Altos: Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-toes."
Bass: The things you run around in Softball
Bassoon: Typical response when asked what you hope to catch and when.
Cello: The proper way to answer the phone.
Diminished 5th: An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
Relative Major: An uncle in the Marine Corps.
Relative Minor: A girlfriend
Treble: Women ain't nothin' but.
Whole Note: What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for 3 months.

He Got Game

NBA superstar Kobe Bryant shows everyone that it IS the shoes. Kobe, marketing his new shoe "Hyper Dunks" jumps over an Aston Martin going 50 mph (See above video). "If I could have just gotten that car up to 100 mph, I would have smashed right into him," said a dejected Shaq.

Drinks All Around

After a day of taking shots at rival Sen. Barack Obama over his “bitter” remarks, Sen. Hillary Clinton relaxed in Crown Point, Indiana and took a shot of a different kind – Crown Royal whiskey. All but certainly locking up the poor white trash, red neck, and college slut vote.

Girl Gone Wild

A 15-minute film of Marilyn Monroe engaging in a sex act with an unidentified man was purchased by a New York businessman for $1.5 million. News of this tape has shocked the world. Who knew??????......That a man could actually last 15 minutes.

Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Drunk

Denver Nuggets star forward Carmelo Anthony was arrested Monday morning for suspicion of driving under the influence. He was stopped for failing to drive in a single lane and failing to dim the lights. An official said it is good to see an NBA star finally getting arrested for something other than delinquent child support.

BA-RACKY: The Movie

The absolute funniest video of any of the presidential campaigns to date!!!

A Crowning Moment

Crystle Stewart, a 26-year-old entrepreneur from Missouri City, TX, was named Miss USA on Friday, besting 50 other beauty queens for the coveted crown. So let this be a lesson to all you young girls out there. You too can be popular and famous with just a little anorexia and a lot of pancake make-up.

A Mind is a Terrible Thing To waste

A Venezuela TV station has yanked the Simpsons off the air, replacing it with something deemed more appropriate for children....Baywatch: Hawaii. The station says Baywatch seems to be more educational. It teaches kids about jiggly parts as well as how no one can ever be saved unless they are in slow motion, and how to have a successful tv series with absolutely no plot at all.

This Really Gets My Goat

A man stunned a crowd in the market town of Plovdiv, Bulgaria by trading his wife for a friend’s goat after she could not have children. The 8-year-old goat, Elena, already had given birth to three kids and was more profitable, according to the man. Well, it's good to see Prince Charles was smart enough to finally part with Camilla.

Hole In One

GREEN VALLEY, Ariz. - Robert Dunham , an 85-year-old legally blind golfer from southern Arizona made a hole-in-one this week on a par-3 course. - When asked how he was going to celebrate, he said, since he is blind, the only thing left for him to do is to cheat on his wife, then run for New York Governor.

Double Take

This infant, a girl named Lali, born in Saini Sunpura, India, has four eyes, two noses and two mouths. The Mother said, with having two faces, her child is already set for a future job in Hollywood, or as a politician.

Britney Involved In A Three-Way

Britney Spears was involved in a minor three car traffic accident late Saturday, in Los Angeles, but no one was injured and no vehicles were damaged. Authorities were actually pleased by the accident saying the more time Britney spends getting in accidents, the less time she can spend recording albums.